Cereal Commercials Gone Horribly Wrong
by Simon Psyc
Summary: My Spoofs of various cereal commercials. Currently my longest running story! Also the one that has the most reviews! Keep the streak alive! R&R! Suggestions always welcome!
1. Default Chapter

Cereal Commercials Gone Horribly Wrong  
  
Frosted Mini Wheats  
  
(remember that old commercial where the adult would talk about the wheat   
side, then would turn into a kid and talk about the frosted side.)  
  
Adult comes in, sits at desk.  
  
Adult: I like the wheat side because its healthy and nutritios.  
  
Adult turns into little kid.  
  
Kid: And the kid in me is suprised at what a loser I'll become!  
  
  
  
This is only the beginning............................. 


	2. Trix (this is just too easy)

#2: Trix  
  
(this is just too easy)  
  
Trix rabbit goes to kids in "cool" backwards hat.  
  
Rabbit: Hey, can I have some Trix?  
  
Kid 1: No, you're the rabbit!  
  
Rabbit: (pulls out knife) Gimme the Trix!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kids scaredly (is that a word?) hand over Trix. Rabbit starts to walk   
away.  
  
Kid 2: Silly rabbit, Trix are for--  
  
Rabbit: YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS?!!!!  
  
Kid 2: No.  
  
Rabbit runs away.  
  
Announcer: Trix are that great berry tas--  
  
Rabbit: SHUT UP!!!!!!!  



	3. Lucky Charms

#3: Lucky Charms  
  
Lucky runs across screen, kids close behind.  
  
Lucky: You'll never catch my Lucky Charms! (looks behind him, kids aren't   
there anymore) Huh?  
  
Car drives up, kids driving. Lucky screams and runs, car quickly catches   
up. Car runs over him, makes a splat noise. Kids jump out, take Lucky   
Charms, and eat.  
  
In memory of Lucky Leprechaun, who no one, including me, liked. Wait,   
if no one liked him, why make it in memory? Disregard this paragraph. 


	4. Honey Nut Chex

#4: Honey Nut Chex  
  
Lambchop and Hannible Lector sit at table.  
  
Voice Over: Hannible Lector... Lambchop  
  
Silence of the Lambs... Lamb  
  
Psycho Killer... Lamb  
  
Really creepy... really annoying  
  
Cannible... lamb  
  
What brings them together? Absolutely nothing. Buy Honey Nut Chex!!!  
  
(Hannible kills Lambchop) 


	5. Alphabits

#5: Alphabits  
  
Animated letter cereal dancing and singing the Alphabet. Spoon comes   
down, they run and scream. Spoon scoops up several.  
  
X: (in spoon) OOOOH GOD!!!!!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  
(crunch)  
  
A: We've gotta do something!  
  
L: Spell a creepy message!  
  
Cut to kid looking at bowl.  
  
Kid: Doom will rain down khvjkzhlvudj? 


	6. Honey Nut Cheerios

#6: Honey Nut Cheerios  
  
The Honeybee flys in front of a guy with nets and jars.  
  
Bee: Hey, Mr. Insect Scientist, do you want some Honey Nut Cheerios: Part   
of this complete --  
  
  
Cut to bee in jar.  
  
Bee: This isn't how you get my cereal!  
  
Scientist (eating cereal): SHUT UP!!!! 


	7. Rice Crispies

#7: Rice Crispies  
  
('Member those commercials where the bowls of Rice Crispies "talked" to   
people by crackling?)  
  
Announcer: What's your cereal saying?  
  
Woman (holds bowl to ear): Good morning!  
  
Man (holds bowl to ear): Kill your friends??  
  
Woman (holds bowl to ear): Take revenge on humanity??  
  
Announcer: Buy Rice Crispies, then take your revenge! 


	8. Fruity Pebbles

#8: Fruity Pebbles  
  
Fred with bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Barney sneaks up disguised as a ball   
of yarn.  
  
Fred: Oh no you don't!  
  
Wilma (walking up): Fred! Are you keeping your pebbles away from your   
freind!  
  
Fred (sheepish): Yes.  
  
Wilma: You've lost six friends like that already! Share the d@^^n cereal!  
  
Fred hands over bowl. Betty enters.  
  
Betty: Barney! So that's where all my yarn went! C'mon, I've got knitting  
to do. (Pulls Barney off, mumbles) Seriously, how many stupid disguises  
do you need?  
  
Fred: Oh, well. I'm gonna go do a crossover with the Jetsons. Oh, eat  
Fruity Pebbles. 


	9. Cocoa Puffs

#9: Cocoa Puffs  
  
Darth Vader standing. Cocoa Puffs Bird enters.  
  
Bird: I bet you'll go cookoo for Cocoa Puffs in one bite.  
  
Vader takes bowl, strangles Bird with the force. Takes off screen in   
triangle mouth thingy and inserts spoon. Closes mouth thingy, and bounces   
around hooting, walls turn into chocolate. Two Stormtroopers walk up,   
covered in chocolate.  
  
One Stormtrooper: Now that's a cereal.  
  
2nd Trooper: Shut up and help me tackle the dark lord. 


	10. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

#10: Cinnamon Toast Crunch  
  
Kid: This is Bolsolvia, the Middle East Dictator. He sees everything   
in his country, and does nothing. Can he tell why kids like Cinnamon   
Toast Crunch?  
  
Bolsolvia: No, get back to the mines.  
  
Kid: Wrong! It's because there's cinnamon swirls on each-- (is whipped   
by big strong masked guy) I'm going, I'm going!  
  
Kid starts to work in mine.  
  
Announcer: Cinnamon Toast Crunch- the only cereal with cinnamon swirls--   
OW! I'm working! 


	11. Nesquik Cereal

#11: Nesquik Cereal  
  
Bunny: Nesquik cereal can turn milk to chocolate milk! Now, new Nesquik   
cereal turns milk to poison!  
  
Bunch of kids take cereal, pour it into milk, milk turns green, they eat.   
  
Kids: Cool! (give thumbs up, slump over dead) 


	12. Life

#12: Life  
  
Kid #1: What's that?  
  
Kid2: Some cereal. It's supposed to be good for you. You gonna try it?  
  
Kid1: I'm not gonna try it. Let's get Mikey! He hates everything!  
  
Pushes bowl to Mikey, Mikey eats it.  
  
Kid2: He likes it, hey-- (Mikey vomits, dumps cereal out on table) Oh. 


	13. Corn Pops

#13: Corn Pops  
  
Mailman standing in line in front of box of Corn Pops, line is long,   
he's at the end.  
  
Mailman (thinking): Kill kill, they're eating all my-kill- Pops! I gotta   
do something!  
  
Takes machine gun out of mail bag, blasts everyone out of the way.  
  
Cut to him sitting among bodies, cradling box of Corn Pops.  
  
Mailman: I gotta have my Pops. 


	14. Honey Bunches of Oats

#14: Honey Bunches of Oats  
  
Cereal People: We make a lot of cereal here. Our favorite? Honey Bunches   
of Oats.  
  
Cereal Guy goes up to old lady.  
  
Guy: Would you like some Honey Bunches of Oats?  
  
Lady (protecting purse): Get away!  
  
Guy goes to little girls.  
  
Guy: Have some cereal.  
  
Girls look scared, their dad runs up and hits the guy.  
  
Cereal Woman: We can't keep it to ourselves!  
  
Guy (now with large bruise on face) goes to bulldog.  
  
Guy: Hey, want some-- (bulldog attackes) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My liver!  
  
(If these are what they used, think of the outtakes 


	15. Kix

#15- Kix (oh look, an update. Haven't seen that in a while)  
  
Kid eating Kix. Another kid enters.  
  
Kid2: How'd you get so big?  
  
Kid: It's the Kix  
  
Camera goes down, reveals kid is sitting on box of Kix.  
  
Kid2: You're sitting on the box, aren't you?  
  
Kid: (looks ashamed) Yeah.  
  
Kid2: I am sick of the dent in that box! Get off it.  
  
Kid shakes head.  
  
Kid2: MOM! JOEY'S SITTING ON THE BOX AGAIN!  
  
Mom: (out of room) SHUT UP, MOMMY'S GOT A HANGOVER!  
  
(I can't think of an ending, so just make that the point where the voice  
talks about the cereal. Cut me some slack, after fifteen spoofs I'm   
runnin' out of ideas) 


	16. Apple Jacks

#16 Apple Jacks(man, I can't BELIEVE I didn't think of this 'till someone  
suggested it in a review)  
  
Teenagers sit eatin Apple Jacks. Scientist comes in.  
  
Scientist: (in german accent of course) Vhy are you eating those Apple  
Jacks?  
  
Teen: What, 'cuz they don't taste like apples? Listen, we eat what we--  
  
Scientist: No, because I'd clearly marked them Experimental---  
  
Teens suddenly explode.  
  
Scientist: Vell, at least I know they vork. 


	17. Fruit Loops

#17 Fruit Loops (I've actually been trying to think of a spoof of those   
STUPID Fruit Loops commercials forever. I finally made one up)  
  
Bird flies through a bunch of toasters  
  
Bird: And now Fruit Loops have marshmellow toasters! That's right--  
(scowls) Toasters? I mean, mummies and pirhanas were bad enough (I've  
still got pirhana scars) but TOASTERS!? That's it. I quit. (takes off  
giant stupid nose, revealing normal beak) Find another babbling idiot.  
  
Olsen Twins come on   
  
Olsen Twins: Follow your nose!  
  
(did I mention I HATE THE OLSEN TWINS!?) 


	18. Cap'n Crunch's Choco Donuts cereal

#18- Cap'n Crunch's Choco Donuts Cereal  
  
I'm back! My first update in.... well a really long time.  
  
Two kids eating chocolate cereal.  
  
Kid#1: This cereal is choclatey, but not choclatey ENOUGH.  
  
Cap'n Crunch bursts through the house in a ship.  
  
Mom: OH MY GOD MY KITCHEN!  
  
Cap'n: You need new Choco Donuts cereal! Not only is the cereal composed   
of tiny chocolate donuts, but it turns milk chocolate!  
  
Kids: COOL!  
  
They begin to eat piggishly.  
  
Cap'n: If you eat one bowl, you'll be so full of sugar you'll be hyper   
the rest of the day! Two bowls, and you're wired for the next week!   
Three bowls... and I pity you.  
  
Kids finish their third bowl and fall over dead.  
  
  
side note- Saturday Night Live did a fake commercial in the seventies   
about a cereal called "Little Chocolate Donuts." Somebody needs to tell   
the Cap'n Crunch people that it was a JOKE. I mean, when I hear the "there's   
a bannana in your ear" joke and go put a bannana in my ear. (Note to   
self: remove bannana from ear.) 


	19. Total

#19- Total  
  
Guy sitting at table eating cereal.  
  
Announcer: Hey, what are you eating?  
  
Guy: Oh God I'm hearing voices!  
  
Announcer: Never mind that, what are you eating?  
  
Guy: Total.  
  
Announcer: You should be eating Total!  
  
Guy: Didn't you hear what I just--  
  
Announcer: Do you know how many bowls of Total it would take to equal   
one bowl of your cereal?  
  
Guy: But I'm eating--  
  
Announcer: It would take one bowl of Total to equal one bowl of your cereal.  
  
Guy: Please leave me alone.  
  
Later, at the guy's job, a coworker walks up.  
  
Guy: Shut up shut up shut up!  
  
Coworker: But... I haven't said anything yet.  
  
Guy: No, some voice is following me around telling me about Total.  
  
Coworker: You feelin' alright, Dave?  
  
One year later at the mental asylum, two doctors stand.  
  
Doctor: He just sits there all day in his cell mumbling "Total, part of this   
good breakfast" over and over.  
  
Guy: It would take over nineteen bowls... nineteen bowls... nineteen   
bowls... 


	20. Reese's Pieces

#20- Reese's Cereal  
  
Kid#1: Me and my friend were at the wig store when he said he had Reese's   
for breakfast. And I said "Whoa! You had candy for breakfast?" And he   
said...  
  
Kid#2: Yeah, candy.  
  
Kid#1: So I-- wait, what!?  
  
Kid#2: Yeah, yesterday I had a Snickers. My parents are neglegent, they   
don't care.  
  
Kid#1: WHAT!?  
  
Kid#2: Why the hell were we talking about what we had for breakfast   
anyway?  
  
Kid#1: Can we cut?  
  
***  
  
Author's note: Ever notice that Reese's has an apostrophe before the S,   
which means that it belongs to Reese? So if you're eating a Reese's and   
some guy named Reese asks you for it, you gotta give it to him. I wish   
my name was Reese. 


	21. Honey Comb

#21- Honey Comb  
  
Kid walks into kitchen, Dad is sitting at table eating a bowl of Honey   
Comb.  
  
Kid: Honey Comb!? Me want Honey Comb! (turns into one of those stupid   
friggin monsters)  
  
Dad: Yeah, and me want proper gramm-- HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?  
(grabs shotgun)  
  
Monster/Kid: No, Dad, it's me! I just--  
  
POW POW!  
  
Dad: That's the sixth one of those I've seen this week! And I caught   
twelve of them in the trap.  
  
Show mousetraps with monsters in them.  
  
Monster: Oh God my brains! 


	22. Toaster Strudels

#22- Toaster Strudels (okay, I know this isn't technically a cereal, but   
it's a breakfast food with an incredibly annoying commercial, so it qualifies)  
  
Show Mom & Kid in kitchen.  
  
Mom: Don't forget your Pop Tart!  
  
Kid takes Pop Tart, leaves. Show Kid and OtherKid walking.  
  
Kid: Got my toaster strudel.  
  
OtherKid: (hands him toaster strudel) Hey, what do you do with all those   
Pop Tarts anyway?  
  
Kid opens garage, thousands of Pop Tarts fall out.  
  
Mom: BILLY! Why the hell didn't you just tell me you wanted toaster strudels   
instead of wasting all these Pop Tarts! There are children starving in   
Afghanistan!  
  
Kid: Don't worry, I think I have a solution.  
  
Show Afghani Kid and Mom in cave/kitchen.  
  
Afghani Mom: Don't forget your stale Pop Tart that the American boy   
sent us!  
  
Afghani kid takes pop tart, leaves.  
  
Afghani Kid: (meets up with friend) Got my toaster strudel?  
  
Afghani friend: (gives him strudel) What do you do with all those filthy   
American Pop Tarts?  
  
Afghani Kid: I throw them at the American soldiers!  
  
***  
  
Author's note- for a different Toaster Strudel spoof, check the reviews.   
Some devoted fan left his. 


	23. Trix again

#23- Trix... again.  
  
Show Trix rabbit w/ fishing pole.  
  
Rabbit: I've got the perfect plan to get some Trix! Those kids will be   
walking under this bridge any minute, and I'll use this fishing pole to   
get some of their Trix!  
  
Kids walk under bridge. Rabbit jumps down, beats them with fishing pole,   
steals Trix, runs.  
  
Rabbit: Finally, they're mine! (grabs handful of cereal, eats) Hmph.   
This sucks. It's bland, and... I've devoted my life to the pursuit of   
THIS!? What am I gonna do with my life now?  
  
Show Trix Rabbit chasing Sugar Crisp Bear.  
  
Rabbit: Come on, just a little taste! Can't get enough of that Sugar   
Crisp!  
  
Bear: No means no! Do the restraining orders mean nothing to you!? 


End file.
